Monthly Archives: July 2015

Searching for God’s heart for you

The last one year has been truly so wonderful that i can barely type all of my experiences but here’s one part of my story 🙂

I had a very challenging time at work a couple of months back. The experience got me thinking and doubting who i am and what i was worth. It was a moment of silence between me and God as i walked and conversed and looked for answers. I remember months back asking God to show me his heart for the organisation that i was working in, his heart for the people we were reaching because i really was at the edge of everything… and then came the  strangest of answers –God wants you to know HIS heart for you. I did not get a word of what that meant and to be honest i still don’t entirely understand what that means.

Months later here i am at my desk (this was about three weeks back, this post is overdue), i just handed my resignation letter, the next month would be my last at this workplace. I have absolutely no idea what i will do, if i should even start applying for another job given the fact that it would take atleast 6 months to 1 year to find a job. I have no idea how it will go financially, i have absolutely no plans. I look at myself i don’t have a single dream, i have no wishes, i feel like i don’t have any knowledge or expertise of any kind that’s ‘supposed’ to help me sail through life. It’s a blank page in front of me. All that i ever learnt, the experiences i gathered over these few years seem to just vanish, it almost feels like i’m starting fresh, picking up from zero.

The world has told me i’m not smart enough, not extroverted enough, not good enough, not active enough and so many other things. As i battle my thoughts and beliefs, what i think about me, what others think about me, what i think of others… i am washed, i am tired, my hands and eyes finally reach to his word and start looking for what HE thinks about me. This journey of realisation has only begun, who i really am who he really is. Jesus never gives up, he didn’t give up even when he knew what he had to go through -being stripped, beaten and crucified… he did it just so i could have this moment, this moment of realisation that i am so much more than what everyone else thinks of me or what i think of myself. My life has worth because of what Jesus did on the cross.

For now i’m not worried about not having any plans and dreams or any skills or expertise, i have the blank pages in front of me and i trust God to take over the writings while i look to him to help me simply follow.

Here’s an article that i read, it has so beautifully explained what you’re really worth.